Doc Martin
Series Four, Episode Four
“All Good Things”

In Episode Four, the Port Wenn locals are getting restless - Aunty Joan faces up to some tough choices, much to Martin’s disgust; Pauline decides she’s finally had enough of the Doc’s grumpy, pernickety ways; and Bert seems to have lost the plot once and for all. Meanwhile, Martin is faced with a Port Wenn population explosion.

The following is a series of random scenes, not a complete episode. Some mini-moments, from which a full episode did not come to fruition. It will appear disjointed and not make much sense in its entirety, but that, I’m afraid is it. Afterall, Series 4 has begun in reality and nothing could be a patch on that!


Scene: Very early morning. Interior. Martin’s bedroom. Louisa is asleep, curled in against Martin, who is sitting slightly propped up watching her with evident affection. Martin gently brushes Louisa hair from across her forehead. Louisa stirs ever so slightly then lets out a bone rattling snore. Martin very nearly smiles.

Scene: Early morning. The road leading to Aunty Joan’s Farm. Martin is in his Lexus speeding toward the farmhouse.

Scene: Interior. Aunty Joan’s farmhouse. Joan walks toward the kitchen door, opening it to reveal Martin on her stoop.

Joan: Thank you for coming Marty.

Martin: Yes. Well, it’d want to be important. I can’t just drop everything on a whim you know. I have response....

Joan: I never said it was an emergency. It’s about the farm.

Martin: What about it? (sarcastic) Is it sick?

Joan: Well...As you know, I’m not getting any younger...

Martin: Neither am I, standing around here...

Joan: And I have to think about the future. I can’t run things here forever.

Martin: What’s your point Aunty Joan?

Joan: It’s yours Marty.

Martin: What?!

Joan: The farm. I want you to have it.

Martin: No.

Joan: No?

Martin: No. I don’t want it.

Joan: What do you mean you don’t want it?!

Martin: I don’t want the farm. It’s your farm. Yours.

Joan: It’s a big place Martin. I can’t manage it much longer.

Martin: Of course you can. Hire help if you need to. Anyway, you don’t need to be talking about this now. You’re not ill.

Joan: No. I’m not ill, I’m old!

Martin: Nonsense.

Joan: I don’t want to have to sell it off.

Martin: You don’t have to.

Joan: I want you to have it Martin. It’s mostly yours anyway, after what you did for me.

Martin: Aunty Joan. I don’t have time to listen to this ridiculousness. I have to go. Goodbye.

Martin rushes out all in a flutter.

Joan: Marty!? (Baffled, to herself) That went well.

Scene: Day. Interior. Portwenn Surgery, Consultation Room. A young girl enters the room. Martin shuts the door behind her.

Martin: Come in. Sit down.

The girl sits on one side of the consultation table and Martin on the other.

Martin: What seems to be the problem?

Girl: Doc, I think I’m pregnant. How do I fix it?

Martin: You give birth.

Girl: Doc?! Come on. My parents will kill me.

Martin: Yes well. (He glares at her for a moment). First we need to find out if you really are pregnant. Have you done a test yourself?

Girl: Well no. Exams are a couple months off.

Martin: (after a deep breath) A pregnancy test.

Girl: Oh right. Well no.

Martin: I see. And why do you think you’re pregnant?

Girl: I’m late.

Martin: When was your last period?

Girl: Oh I don’t know, about a month ago.

Martin: Right. And when did you last have sex?

Girl: Sex?

Martin: Yes. To become pregnant you need to have had sex. Have you had sex?

Girl: Well, yeah. At least I think so.

Martin: You think so?!

Girl: It was all a little...

Martin waits.

Girl: Rushed.

Martin: Well then. I can examine you and find out...

Girl: (mortified) Do you have to!?

Martin: No. No I don’t. Not initially anyway. I’ll get Pauline to take some blood and then we can find out if you’re pregnant and go from there.

Girl: Then what?

Martin: Let’s just get the results first.

Girl: You won’t tell anyone will you Doc?

Martin: Not if you don’t want me to, no. But you might like to talk to someone about all of this.

Girl: Oh no. I can’t do that.

Martin: What about your boyfriend?

Girl: What boyfriend?

Martin: Right. Like that is it?

Girl: Like what?

Martin: Never mind. I’ll call Pauline.

Martin yells loudly to the Reception area.

Martin: Pauline!

He drums his fingers on the table waiting for her. Then yells again with even more vigour.

Martin: Pauline!

Pauline arrives at the door looking mightly unimpressed.

Pauline: You bellowed?

Martin: Yes. Twice. We need a blood sample. Sometime today if you can manage to drag yourself away from painting your nails or Tweeting or whatever your latest procrastination technique is.

Pauline glares at Martin as she turns to go. The girl doesn’t move.

Pauline: Come on then.
Scene: Evening. Interior. Martin’s kitchen. Aunty Joan walks past the window. Martin goes to the door to let her in.

Martin: What is it this time? Come to give me your truck have you?

Joan: (ignoring him) Did you talk to Louisa?

Martin: What about?

Joan: The farm.

Martin: No. There’s no need.

Joan: We have to face facts Marty.

Martin: Forgive me Aunty Joan if I’m not quite ready to dig your grave.

Joan: Thank you Marty, I’m flattered.

Martin: (with a rare display of genuine concern) You’re my family. Without you here...

Joan: And I’ll always be your family.

Martin: Fine.

Joan: But I’m not your only family.

Martin: You are as far as I’m concerned.

Joan: What about Louisa?

Martin doesn’t know what to say in response.

Joan: Think about the future Martin. Are you going to live at the surgery forever?

Martin: There’s nothing wrong with my home!

Joan: No. Not if you enjoy the smell of formaldehyde and the constant presence of people barking up lungs and cracking bones!

Martin: (childishly) It’s handy to work!

Joan: Oh, you’re not that lazy! That stubborn perhaps...

Martin: I don’t want to talk about it, to Louisa or to you!

Joan: Fine.

They stare at each other, clearly at a stale mate.

Joan: Now about the truck...

Joan gives Martin a cheeky grin, which he does not return. Joan leaves.
Scene: Same evening. Moments later. Martin’s kitchen. Louisa enters the kitchen. She has been upstairs. Martin gets busy preparing a meal.

Louisa: Was someone here?

Martin: Mm, just Joan.

Louisa: Everything ok?

Martin: (dismissive) Fine.

Louisa: (disbelieving him) Are you sure that...

Martin: (changing the subject) Don’t schools teach children anything these days?!

Louisa: (baffled) What?!

Martin: You know, about life?

Louisa: No I don’t know. What are you on about?

Martin: I had a young girl in today who thought she might be pregnant, and well, you would think that...she didn’t seem...

Louisa: What?

Martin: She really ought to know...

Louisa: Spit it out Martin.

Martin: She thought she might be pregnant, but I really don’t think she quite knew the ins and outs of how one gets pregnant.

Louisa: (slightly amused by Martin’s choice of words) So you think schools should be better at teaching the ins and outs do you?

Martin: Shouldn’t they?

Louisa: What about the parents?

Martin: Given the daft nature of their children, I imagine some of them don’t know either.

Louisa: Most schools do have a very good life education program, but you know, heat of the moment and all that.

Martin: All what?

Louisa: Well, just in the moment things happen that maybe wouldn’t happen with careful thought.

Martin: Like what?

Louisa: Martin!

Neither of them says anything for a moment.

Louisa: So is she? Pregnant I mean.

Martin: We’ve taken some blood.

Louisa: Right.

Louisa is leaning against the counter, with a glass of water, watching Martin prepare some veggies. They remain is companionable silence for a few moments.

Louisa: Martin?

Martin: (distracted) Mmm.

Louisa: What would you say if I told you I was pregnant?

Martin freezes, wide eyed. He slowly turns to Louisa.

Martin: (shocked) What?!

Louisa is visibly deflated by his reaction.

Martin: But you...I mean we’ve... always...

Louisa: I’m not saying that I am.

Martin: (neither relieved or disappointed) Oh.

Louisa: I just wondered what you’d say. Anyway, forget it. It’s a silly question.

Martin: Right.

They look at each other momentarily, both seeming a bit embarrassed.

In the meantime, elsewhere in the village, Bert has been acting oddly, asking lots of questions, never sitting still. One night after dinner with Al and Pauline at a fancy establishment in Truro, Al notices a sizable bulge in Bert’s pants’ pocket and questions him about it.

Al: Dad. What’s in your pocket?

Bert: What?

Al: In your pocket?

Bert: It’s nothing.

Al: It’s not nothing it’s something.

Pauline: Ew. Maybe we don’t want to know Al.

Al: What is it?

Bert: Oh alright. I took two forks from the restaurant.

Al: You can’t do that!

Bert: I’m joking son.

Al looks relived.

Bert: I took two spoons.

The next day Pauline discusses Bert’s kleptomania with Martin, more amused than concerned.

Pauline: Perhaps there’s more to Bert than meets the eye?!

Martin: No. There’s less.

The young girl who thinks she’s pregnant enters the Surgery. There are no other patients. Pauline goes back to her desk. Martin addresses the girl.

Martin: Come through.

They go into his consultation room.

Martin: Have a seat.

They face each other across the table.

Girl: What’s up Doc?

Martin grimaces at the phrase.

Martin: You’re not pregnant.

Girl: Oh, I know.

Martin: You know?

Girl: Yeah, I got my period the day after I came to see you.

Martin: Right.

Girl: I told Pauline.

Martin: Right.

Girl: Yeah, she said she’d let you know.

Martin: Right.

Girl: I guess she didn’t then.

Martin: (seething) No. No she didn’t. Excuse me.

Martin storms out to Pauline.

Martin: She’s not pregnant.

Pauline: That’s right.

Martin: And you know this how?

Pauline: (like she’s explaining the obvious) Well...Doc...the test came back negative.

Martin: And?

Pauline: And?

Martin: And?

Pauline: And she told me she wasn’t, but...

Martin: But nothing! Do you not think this information could have been passed on to me so I didn’t waste my valuable time telling people what they already know!?

Pauline: Yes, but...

Martin: A flee with a lobotomy could do this job more effectively... a blind penguin... a legless centipede...

Martin storms back into the consultation room. Pauline is left smarting at her desk. Martin addresses the girl more calmly.

Martin: Right. That’s sorted then. Goodbye.

The girls quickly hustles past Martin and out past Pauline.

Girl: (to Pauline) Sorry.

Martin slams his door.

More time passes, more medical mishaps occur. Bert continues to gather information about other restaurants in slightly unconventional ways and Martin’s treatment of Pauline continues to be less than admirable.

Meanwhile, Louisa’s friend Isabelle is back to reintroduce her daughter, Elsie, who Martin delivered on the hillside, prior to his non-wedding.

Scene: Louisa’s home. There is a knock at the door. Louisa goes to answer while Martin remains in the kitchen. Louisa opens the door to reveal Isabelle on the stoop, laden with baby and bags. Greetings are exchanged as she bustles in past Louisa, handing her the bag as she goes. She heads straight for Martin and passes him the baby Elsie.

Louisa: (amused) Hello Isabelle.

Isabelle: Sorry. Hello. (She goes back and kisses Louisa hello).

Louisa: You remember Martin.

They turn to look at Martin who is holding Elsie out at arm’s length. They are eyeing each other off.

Isabelle: Well he’s hardly someone I’m going to forget!

Isabelle goes and gives Martin a kiss hello, which he accepts with awkwardness, still holding Elsie out before him.

Louisa: It’s ok Martin. She won’t bite.

Martin: I know.

Isabelle: Actually she might. She’s just cut a couple of teeth and is keen to try them out on anything and everything.

Louisa and Isabelle start to talk about girly things. Martin rolls his eyes at Elsie and takes her out onto the balcony. He talks to her as he goes. Louisa watches with a slight smile.

Scene: Louisa and Martin stand on her stoop as Isabelle finishes strapping Elsie in the car.

Isabelle: Bye Martin. Thanks for taking such good care of Elsie.

Martin: Yes. Goodbye.

Martin bends down to look at Elsie in the car.

Martin: Goodbye Elsie.

Louisa: It’s lovely to see you Isabelle. I’ll pop up to visit you next time.

Isabelle: Nice. See you and thanks again.

Louisa: Bye.

Isabelle gets in the car and drives off. Martin and Louisa wave her off. Louisa looks at Martin and smiles.

Martin: What?

Louisa: I think you were quite fond of little Elsie.

Martin: Yes. Well, it’s only when they start to talk and think for themselves that they become a problem.

They turn to head back inside.

Louisa: What did you and Elsie talk about all that time?

Martin: Politics. The next Ashes tour. The plague. Paramyxovirus.

Louisa: Uh huh.

Lots of interesting stuff would happen here. Thick, meaty, meaningful medical stuff and character development! Pauline, once again gets the rough end of a Martin mood and has finally had enough.

Scene: Afternoon. Interior Martin’s consultation room. Martin is sitting behind his desk writing up notes. There is a knock at the door.

Martin: Come.

Pauline opens the door and enters.

Martin: What?

Pauline walks to Martin’s desk and places a letter on it.

Martin: What’s this?

Pauline: It’s my resignation.

Martin: No.

Pauline: No?

Martin: No.

Pauline: What do you mean no?

Martin: No. I don’t accept it. Get back to work.

Pauline: You don’t accept it?

Martin: That’s right.

Pauline: You can’t not accept it.

Martin: I can not accept it, and that’s what I’ve done. Now back to work or I’ll be forced to fire you.

Pauline: You are unbelievable!

Martin: Thank you. Back to work. (Martin claps twice).

Some other stuff happens. Pauline and Martin make nice, Bert admits to trying anything he can to garner information that will help his restaurant succeed and Martin finally agrees to let Joan put the farm in his name on the understanding that she continues to live and work there.

Scene: Evening. Martin’s kitchen. Martin and Louisa are clearing up after a meal. They are chatting easily.

Martin: So Joan’s farm is now ours. Obviously she’ll keep living and working there for as long as she likes...

Louisa: (stopping and smiling, clearly pleased) Ours?

Martin: Yes. Sorry. I didn’t mean to assume that you’d....

Louisa: No. No. I like the sound of that – ours.

They silently look at each other, each taking in the full implications of what has been said. After a moment, Louisa breaks the silence.

Louisa: Martin?

Martin: Yes.

Louisa: I’m pregnant.

Martin turns to Louisa, who has tears in her eyes. Martin’s eyes betray his terror and joy.



Anonymous said...

Dear HOD,
Fantastic news - you are finally giving your many fans what they want! I'm really looking forward to episode 4.

Fan in Australia

Anonymous said...

Thanks for updating and continuing this story.

Closet Scribbler said...

I'm really loving you're alternative Series 4. Please update soon!

CS xxx

Katy said...

I'm really enjoying your Series 4. I hope your inspirational muse strikes again soon. :)

Fan in USA

Anonymous said...

Dear HOD,

I've been watching the latest series of Doc Martin (which has not resolved the Martin/Louisa situation). I enjoy your version just as much. How about continuing it? And the idea that they visit Martin's mother is still a really good one.
Fan in Australia

Anonymous said...

I'm really enjoying your version of series 4. You have a great writing style. I hope you continue with a new episode soon.

Anonymous said...

Dear HOD,

so here we are once more. Another long wait for series 5. What do we need to help us through the long months of waiting? Something that only YOU can provide......
So how about it? Back on to the scripts? Pretty please?

Fan in Australi

Anonymous said...

i love your alternative series 4 more than the real one!! i do like the real series 4 but i perfer yours and the romance between martin and louisa is beautiful, i visually want to watch this!! can't you continue the scripts you write them so wonderfully that its basically a crime if you stop half way through the series without finishing! you have many fans now who you would be letting down if you don't finish the series.

please finish the series!!

best regards
charlotte (massive doc martin fan)